The other day I was reflecting on all that I have to be grateful. While doing so, I couldn’t help but think about those I love. There are so many people who have loved me in spite of me and prayed for me even when I had given up on myself and had lost almost all hope. The thoughts brought back many wonderful memories and a refreshed perspective on my recovery and how fortunate I truly am.
I remembered back in 1987 when my sister and brother-in-law allowed me to live with them while I looked to relocate in Southern California. I was 14 months sober and they were just beginning to think I might be serious this time. It is amazing how much damage we can do and the time it takes others to trust again, but who can blame them? I was the one who trained them and gave them reason to wait before they were willing to give me another chance.
Well, their trust paid off and it was just the opportunity I needed to begin a new life and “test” my newfound sobriety in a place were I could start fresh. I began to make new friends in my new job and people I met at my AA meetings. As time went on I began to reflect on those I left behind in Las Vegas. There were so many people responsible for my recovery. Sometimes though meetings, as important as they are, can also become a crutch and it is good to get out and explore a new life in a new environment.
For the most part my memories were pleasant and happy. I remembered all the times I spent in my home group meeting and the countless hours I spent with my sponsor, Jack F. I remembered the many days of being with my 2 daughters, who had never known their dad to be sober. I remembered my father giving me my 1-year chip at my 6am meeting. I had many wonderful memories to reflect upon.
Some of my thoughts were filled with sadness as I remembered those who were still caught up in the addiction of the disease and would likely die if something did not change. I remembered those I spent hours with on a 12 step call and some I even escorted into treatment. Many times I would stay long after a meeting was over with someone who was talking about “going back out”.
My sponsor, Jack F, was sober 12 years at that time and he was quite involved with AA and service to others, and he would always tell me “we can’t save them all”. He would often tell me “we are called to do everything we can to help others, but at the end of the day we can’t save them all”. Jack taught me that our responsibility was to become as well as we can and to “clean our own house” the best we can to be in a sober and recovered condition to help others when called upon.
I, like many of you reading this, have loved ones that are suffering from the disease of alcohol and drug addiction. We, who have recovered, would love nothing more than to see them discover and live the truth of recovery as we have. The reality for them is the same as it was for us. The reality is “it takes what it takes”. Just as it did for those who came before us it is true for those who will come after us. It takes what it takes.
I had a college professor in one of my psychology classes present to me, what he called, “the rule of thirds”. He said, of those addicted, no matter what one does, one third will get worse, one third will stay the same and one third will get better. If that is true, then 66 percent of those addicted will never know recovery, as many of us understand it.
What does that mean? Does that that mean we give up on others? Does that mean we try to determine who might benefit and who won’t? Or does that mean that we continue to do the best we can for ourselves that we are best equipped to help someone else when the opportunity is given? If you are a person of true recovery then the answer is obvious. Just as Bill W. discovered many years ago even he couldn’t “save them all”, but somewhere in the trying he was saved.
